So Many Feels

AggroChat Episode #30

I still cannot fathom that we have made it thirty episodes into our podcast and are still apparently going strong.  Technically it is 31 weeks since we started this adventure, because we missed one week for various sundry reasons.  What shocks me the most is that we still have listeners and that it seems like we keep picking up new ones along the way.  I feel Sally Field screaming “You Like Me, You Really Like Me!” but in this case its the Us that is liked not necessarily me.  AggroChat is really about pushing record on the type of conversations we have always had over voice chat on a near nightly basis.  We are unscripted and unprepared and yet still seem to never had a drought of things to discuss.

This week we go  through a whirlwind of topics including:  Magic the Gathering Online, Infinity Minatures Game, Dawngate being cancelled, Blizzcon, Overwatch, and the constant frustration over Gnomes being the butt of every joke.  I think we were all caught off guard by the news surrounding Overwatch.  If you remember several weeks back we speculated as to what might be announced, and while we brought up an FPS we just as quickly dismissed that ideal.  The FPS genre is pretty stagnant so I didn’t see much room where Blizzard could improve upon it.  Here is hoping this is not the case because the gameplay footage I have seen has me absolutely intrigued.  Wolfenstein Enemy Territory was my favorite competitive shooter, and here is hoping that they bring this same level of detail and strategy to the maps.  Also hoping that by some token I can manage to score a beta invite.

So Many Feels

If you recall yesterday I talked about the “Blizzcon Spirit” and how that this year I had not really felt it.  Well last night it struck with a vengeance.  My friend Syl mentioned the Looking For Group documentary and how good it was over twitter.  I had already planned on watching it at some point, because I am a sucker for documentaries… especially fan produced ones.  I have to say it is so amazingly good, and I am glad that something like that exists.  The negative is I am absolutely overwhelmed with feels about Blizzard, World of Warcraft and the community surrounding it.  Had it not been super late last night I probably would have logged into the game the moment the documentary had finished if for no reason other than to visit my characters.  The documentary is like some crazy aphrodisiac that makes you love World of Warcraft again.  One viewing and you will be wanting to scream “For The Alliance!” or horde if that is your persuasion.

Then the reality sets in…  that all the same problems I have had with the game, and the players and just years of history…  are all still there.  If I could return to a snapshot in time, when we were still raiding Icecrown Citadel as the Duranub Raiding Compny…  I would do it in a heartbeat.  If I could return to a period in time when we were fighting to clear Ahn’Qiraj as the Late Night Raiders… I would also do that in a heartbeat.  The problem is there are these epic vignettes of time where it would be amazing to return to and experience all the love and wonderment that existed in that little vacuum.  Sad thing is none of those things exist…  time happened, years of guild, server and raid drama happened.  Folks don’t just stand still in one place, they evolve and move on with their lives.

Glory Days Revisited

When I log back into World of Warcraft amped up on Nostalgia… I feel just like that once upon a time Quarterback reliving their big homecoming win.  That world that was meaningful to me and the people that I fought to protect and keep moving towards a goal…  just don’t exist any longer, or at least they don’t exist in the same combination that they once did.  I have tried to return to the game on two different times and rally the troops to rekindle the spirit that once made my guild a great place to be.  Each time I end up frustrated that no one is wanting to work towards those ends with me.  People are happy to exist in the comfortable place they have carved out once the epic nature of the game died away.  The glory days really can’t be relived, at least not in the same way.

So here I stand wondering what exactly I will do.  I know there is no going back, but part of me wishes there was.  I have a paid subscription through December, and a fully paid expansion because they allowed me to order it a year ago when I was actually amped up about World of Warcraft once more.  I have no idea if I will attempt to log in come release day, and start playing through the new content.  One of the things about being open to change, means you can’t fully predict what you will do when a different set of stimulus is applied.  I think my time leading the Warcraft House Stalwart is over, and it is time for them to find new leadership that can make them great again.  That doesn’t preclude me from occasionally playing the role of war hero and popping my head in from time to time.

Feels

Since this post is in large part about feelings, and me struggling with them…  I thought it was fitting to state that while often times frustrating…  I am glad that I have them.  It would suck to go through life with the inability to surrender to your emotions and get caught up in a moment.  While society has attempted to teach me that it is somehow “unmanly” to feel emotion, and moreso be swayed by them…  for whatever reason this indoctrination never actually took.  I feel no shame in choking back tears during certain moments of a lot of movies.  There is  that moment where you just can’t help yourself, and that story of whatever you are watching has peeled back your layers of defense and landed a blow to your inner core.  I embrace that I can empathize with people I have never met, and care even more deeply about them that they will likely ever realize.  While it is often cool to be aloof and uncaring about things…  I like to care, I like to know I am making a difference.  So today I am thankful that I was raised with compassion and the ability to grant that same compassion to others.