Ball of Rage

The last several weeks have been rough for me, because there is a significant amount of change going on in my life.  Generally speaking I can handle a single aspect of my life in chaos at once, so long as the rest of it seems to be working just fine.  That however is not really working as intended.  On the gaming front I am all over the place, torn between World of Warcraft, loyalty to friends still playing Final Fantasy XIV… and my desire to play games that no one else is really playing like Destiny.  On the work front, stress is the order of the day with everything in a seeming state of chaos with some reorganization and many different competing deadlines.  On the home front we have the chaos with the fact that Luna still does not fit into this family, and the fact that I am trying to juggle how socialize her but at the same time keep her away from the other two cats who she straight up attacks.  Then there is the fact that my wife is in just as much chaos as I am right now and having a pretty rough school year.  Sometimes…  things go horribly wrong and last night was one of those cases.  The above image is not directly related to this topic other than the fact that the game is “Rage” and I have been in a fairly ragey state lately.

I was a horrible boar to be around yesterday, and it seemed like everything set me off into a cursing and yelling fit.  There was a point at which my wife was like “I just don’t want to be around you right now, because I don’t know what is going to set you off”.  It was true, I had no clue what was going to set me off either.  I am just inexplicably angry, even when doing things that I normally like.  I am not sure how to get past the wall of stress and get back to normal… or honestly at this point what normal even would be like again.  Today I am taking the day off as part mental health day, and part I planned ahead and wanted to watch Blizzcon as it was happening.  I am hoping that a day alone with my cats gives me some time to get over what is making me angry.  This morning we can just add worry to the mix, because last night there was a massive tussle between Luna and Kenzie that came from out of nowhere.  At the time Kenzie seemed okayish, but now she is limping around and reacting harshly to pretty much everything.  So I am super worried about her and if she is okay.  The leg doesn’t appear to be swelling or has any visible wounds…  but it is obviously tender because she doesn’t really like it being messed with and is holding it and three legged walking.

To make things even worse I know tomorrow that I am going to have to go spend time at a family gathering.  This stresses me out beyond reason because I know that this branch of the family has some wildly differing political views at the moment.  I know that the election is going to come up… and I am just not sure if I can hold my shit together long enough to keep from spewing and string of expletives at this family that otherwise thinks I am a sane and respectful human being.  Everything makes me angry right now, and the election is I am sure a part of that general bubble of rage.  I just want things to calm down and return to a normal state so I can begin to function again.  The biggest problem is I am not sure when that normalcy will actually arrive.  At this point I am guessing it will be like this, a bundle of angry bits until after the holidays.  In the mean time though I am going to try and figure out a way to calm down and learn how to relax again.  Mostly I just need one or two of the fronts to calm down… I need a sanctuary from the stress and that doesn’t really exist right now.  Every single place I exist in… is full of madness and I just want something to stop being that way.