Last night was a fairly fraught evening with me needing to spend more time than I would have liked dealing with work stuff. By the time I shifted over into gaming mode I was struggling to find the fun in almost anything that I played. Initially I attempted to get into Dishonored Death of the Outsider and managed to make a tiny bit of progress… but in the end just wound up taking screenshots of the weird shit appearing in the game like this… that I can only term as some sort of a monkey baron? For whatever reason this game is struggling to hold my attention in quite the way that Dishonored 1 and 2 did and I am not entirely certain why. It could simply be that I am still not the biggest fan of Karnaca and greatly prefer the vibe of Dunwall.
Whatever the case I made it to about the halfway point of a mission before needing to shut down because my wife needed assistance with something. When I returned to my laptop I did not return to the game and moved on to rummage around for something else to do. Evenings like last night are frustrating because it feels like I squandered the opportunity to have a good time. There are times where my mind is just not in the right place to really enjoy anything so I sorta flail about until eventually giving up for the evening and going to sleep. I wish there was a button that allowed me to purge my mind of worries and just be present in the activity I happen to be doing… and before someone suggests it… meditation doesn’t seem to work for me. I just end up sitting quietly thinking about the same nonsense I was thinking about before I actively tried not to think about it.
So what did I do instead of playing something I had not experienced… I started a brand new game of Fallout 4. In theory I need to get Nexus Mod Manager set up on my upstairs machine and get all of the mods I like to use there. This whole remote playing everything is interesting because there were a lot of experiences like Fallout that I managed to make work downstairs… albeit in a way less pretty fashion. I have to say I could really get used to this whole being able to play games in full resolution and fidelity… from the machine that is most comfortable at that very moment. I need to drag my spare laptop to work and see how well this process works over the guest network there because in theory… it should be accessible from any online connection. I could even try tethering my phone and seeing how playable everything is over a 4G LTE connection.
I sorta always create the same basic character in Fallout 4… which is essentially a version of the same character I create in any game. Little details change but the rough outline of the “Belghast” archetype remains the same. Incoming spoiler alert for anyone who might not have played the game. I don’t even mess with customizing the spouse anymore, because I know a few minutes into the experience she will be long gone. I so rarely play female characters in games because they don’t really fit with the whole unified character thing that I tend to do.
I am not rejecting them because they are female… more that I am rejecting them because they don’t fit the character I keep wanting to play over and over in every single game. I do fine in titles that have a strong female character that you assume the reigns of… like Aloy in Horizon Zero Dawn or Lara Croft in the new Tomb Raider games. However when you give me a game like the Mass Effect series that allows me to craft a tailor made character… I will almost every single time create a “Belghast”. I also have a lot of issue with the game if it impedes me from crafting this character… which I experience a lot when playing games without beard options or “pretty boy” features. Basically I am not really a fan of the whole Bishōnen thing. Belghast is a battle damaged character and as a result I prefer whatever form that representation takes looks that way… though I do worry that at times I am essentially creating a Marlboro Man.