Depressing Real Life Shit

This is one of those moments where I don’t exactly have something that I feel like would make a good blog post.  Last night I was in a weird place where everything felt wrong.  It was the entertainment version of rummaging through your closet because nothing quite fits.  If you are blessed with excellent genes and have never had to deal with this…  then awesome go you.  However if you have been fat your entire life you are pretty much in a constant state of frustration and flux.  Last night I had the gaming equivalent of this going on with nothing much seeming like a good idea.  I even exited out of SWTOR in the middle of a solo flashpoint because I simply was not feeling it…  I have no clue what I will log into when I reconnect.  It would be weird if things just picked up from where I left off…  but I fully imagine that won’t be the case.

In part a lot of last nights frustrations were caused by the fact that I slept extremely poorly Monday night.  Again it was a fits of restlessness thing where I could not seem to find the right orientation of pillow, bed, body and blankets that made things conducive to falling asleep.  I know I drifted off at some point after 12:30 so somewhere closer to 1 in the morning probably, which when you get up at 5:30 means that was not much in the sleep department.  It was bad enough that I kept having thoughts of “well I might as well get up and do something rather than just lay here”, but never quite reached that point.  As a result last night I was nodding off on the sofa around 8 pm…  which mean’t that I ended up going to bed around 8:30…  only to be woken up at 4:30 by the ferret going through what sounded like a very painful set of seizures.

She is end of life, and we have pretty much just been trying to do whatever we could to make life easier on her.  However while sitting down to write this morning…  I’ve been interrupted because she went through another round.  So I am prepping myself for coming home tonight and finding that she has passed on.  Ferrets are not long lived animals… especially not with the modern state of Ferrets largely all coming from the same mega breeder.  Effectively almost every ferret that you see in the United States comes from a place called Marshall Farms in Upstate New York, and  “mill” Ferrets tend to have a lifespan of somewhere in the vicinity of eight years.  Shiloh best as we can tell is somewhere in the 10-12 year old range depending on how old she was when we got her… and since she was a rescue it is hard to properly gauge that.  She is the last of our ferrets having had four over the years…  and probably legitimately going to be the last one that we have because it is rough loving an animal so prone to dire complications.

I’ve got an awful lot of crap on my mind right now that is not gaming related, because Shiloh is not the only end of life animal we have in this house.  Allie has been fighting hyperthyroidism for awhile and we have reached the point where there isn’t much of anything that we can do.  She has started pottying in places that she should not be…  which means every night is a constant clean up process.  Thankfully she is doing so in a way that is easy to clean up…  but it is one of those constant grind sort of situations that just wears you down.  Having gone through several animals at this point in this state… I know what the answer will be…  that they will ultimately suggest that we put her down.  I am just not sure if I am ready for that, because she still snuggles with me every night and still has the loudest purr…  so I am trying my best to make the end of her life as good as possible.  Allie has always been “my” baby, and I guess as long as she is still actively seeking attention I am going to try really hard to keep giving it to her.

So yeah…  this ended up not being a game post at all.  I’m tired and just sorta want to crawl up into a ball and forget the world exists…  but gaming has not been granting me that escapism that I crave.

4 thoughts on “Depressing Real Life Shit

  1. I’m terribly sorry to hear about all of that, Bel. Reading the title, and having been out of touch for a while, I was expecting the worst, so I’m a bit relieved. But, I am well acquainted with the loss of pets, most recently one last November. You’ve been through it before too, so you don’t need any advice from me on how to get through it, so I’ll just leave you my sympathy and the love of a friend who knows what you’re going through and the hope that their passing is peaceful.
    Jason Griffith recently posted..Heirloom UpdatesMy Profile

  2. So sorry to hear about Shiloh and Allie. Lola will be 9 this summer and I’m already dreading losing her; she’s my constant companion.

    They sure burrow their way into your heart, these furbabies.
    Pete S recently posted..Return to SWTORMy Profile

  3. I know those feels. Never had a ferret, but I’ve been through many fur babies getting to that age. Never easy.

    As for sleeping, I was having trouble for awhile, the littlest thing would wake me, tried the Z-Quill, and that works really well, but saw the ingredient is Melatonin, so gave that a try. 1 pill around 9pm and by 10 I’m ready to fall asleep. I’m a 5am riser, and it doesn’t leave me groggy.

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