house stalwart Archives - Tales of the Aggronaut

Returning to Old Haunts

January 2, 2024 by Belghast

This is one of the last screenshots that I took from World of Warcraft around the launch of the Shadowlands expansion. It is dated 12/9 of 2020 and represents the last time that I played World of Warcraft in either Retail or Classic varieties. It was shortly after this that I canceled my subscription and started the longest period of time I have ever not played WoW since the launch of the game. While I spent some time helping with the alpha testing of Dragonflight, I’ve been gone from the game for roughly three years and in that time a lot of things have changed. Honestly, I am not sure if it was the Shadowlands expansion, the game as a whole, or my general dissatisfaction with Blizzard as a company. So much came out to tarnish those memories I had built up over the first decade of Warcraft and I was not really certain I could ever get back to the state of joy that I found in the game in those heady days prior to the launch of Cataclysm.

When I tested Dragonflight, I remember saying that the game felt better than it had during Shadowlands and that while I never got to see it start to finish… testing was divided up into little single-zone vertical slices without any music or cutscenes… that I thought it would be a much better World of Warcraft expansion than we had seen since Legion. The thing is… as good as it seemed it just was not enough to get me over the hump of angst that I felt towards Blizzard as a whole. I never would have played Diablo IV had someone not graciously gifted me a copy of that game, and my good friend Ace has still not played the game since its launch. I had said though that if Bobby Kotick finally left the company, I would take that as a sign to lay down my pitchfork and torch and give World of Warcraft a proper revisiting. I had heard enough from friends at the company that the culture did in fact seem to be changing bit by bit… but I wanted the figurehead gone as well before I would feel like maybe things COULD change permanently.

Bobby Kotick’s last day at ActiBlizz was the 29th, and on the 30th I was firing back up World of Warcraft. I took advantage of one of the bundles that purchased The War Within expansion and included a copy of Dragonflight as a result. Since I had been gone so long… I decided to give the game a shot with fresh eyes on my BC/Wrath raid main… the original Belghast, my Human Warrior on Argent Dawn US. This is still the character that I identify with the most in Warcraft and it seemed like the best option for a comeback. I’ve grown to love The Horde, but it never felt as true for me personally as playing the Alliance did. I love my Horde family however, and now that factions really do not matter in the least I figured it didn’t really matter which side of this server I played on… since Argent Dawn and Scryers are connected and all of my Alliance characters are on AD and all of my horde on Scryers.

House Stalwart is a guild in World of Warcraft that I founded with some friends on November 23rd, 2004. I will always regret the fact that our guild charter no longer says that date because I got hacked in the middle of Wrath of the Lich King and said hacker nuked the guild before transferring me off the server. I still think it was a personal attack, to be honest, but I have no clue who it might have been. While my time in Stalwart represented some of the best times I had in this game or in gaming in general… I also suffered quite possibly from the worst depression I have ever had while trying to lead this guild. I feel like I have been running away from it for years, scared to touch it for fear that it brought me back down to those deeply negative lows. While suffering… I made decisions that I am not proud of and struggled with the need for the guild to transform and change without me. The thing is… this group of folks never forgot who I was and even have this dumb note calling me out as “The Real GM”.

I need to forgive myself and realize that my downfall was not caused by the guild or any of the people in it… and that I have grown a lot since that time. I am hoping coming back and commiserating with the same folks will help to close those wounds a bit and maybe let them scab over. I apologize to Elnore, Rylacus, and Kylana for not always supporting them fully… and in the case of Elnore outright attacking her for the decisions she felt needed to be made. I should have fully supported your decisions when I stepped down, and been less of a flake when I picked up the mantle again during Pandaria. So similarly I apologize to Rylacus for unceremoniously dumping this mess in his lap. I apologize to Kylana for never really supporting him fully or telling him how much I appreciate the way he just ran with the guild and tried his best to keep the same sort of spirit. I also apologize to House Stalwart as a whole for never really being there for them even though they have offered me nothing but support through all of the bullshit phases that I have gone through over the years. They’ve always welcomed me back… even though there are I am certain a lot of people now who have zero clue who the hell I even am. I was always so careful to keep one foot out the door so I could run away again… and that was not cool.

This blog post has somewhat developed a life of its own. This happens sometimes when I start writing and is if nothing else proof that I really don’t script these ahead of time. I was going to talk about my adventures and instead, I have devoted this post to dealing with the anxiety and depression of the past. Talking about why I am enjoying Dragonflight and why I still really did not enjoy Shadowlands is a topic for another day. I hope you all had a great holiday break if you managed to get one. Today is my first day back so I need to wrap this up and actually start with some proper work. To any Stalwart folks that might be reading this… thanks for being chill and not overwhelming me as I start trying to figure out how the hell this game works. Huge thanks to Errya and Bleddwen for trying to welcome me back and letting me know that I was more than welcome to join in the activities. I appreciate you both greatly, but I am not quite there yet to where I can even think about doing any sort of activities, I might start joining yall on voice every now and then. I also appreciate Kylana for warning folks that I might be showing up once the deed was done, because that seems to have halted a lot of the “whoa, what the heck” moments.

If you’ve made it this far in the post thanks for reading, and thanks for always being here for me as well no matter what level of nonsense I am getting up to. If you are reading this and from Facepull my Horde home… I still love you all and I am certain my next character with be a Hordie. I just needed to stretch my legs this time on the original Belghast.

Bad Medicine

April 22, 2015April 22, 2015 by Belghast

A Good Nights Sleep

Monday night I did not sleep well at all. I was up late futzing and waiting on a print job for my wife, that ultimately ended up printing the wrong thing. As a result neither of us got to bed until after midnight. After that I don’t think either of us really got solid sleep, and next thing we knew it the alarm was going off at 5:30. As a result I spent most of yesterday sleep walking through it. There are just some hazes that not even caffeine can clear, and this is only compounded by the fact that my allergies are still killing me. Even the smallest task seemed like a struggle, and last nights raid was pure hell to suffer through… in part because of my present state of mind. I realistically should have just bowed out and headed to bed, but that didn’t happen.

I did however managed to get to sleep around 10:30 and last night was probably the most luminously glorious night of sleep I have had in a long time. Granted I woke up before the alarm by about twenty minutes… but I did the correct thing and just got on up instead of trying to struggle for those last few minutes of sleep. The end result is I feel more human than I have in a long time. Who knew I needed this sleep thing after all? Now if only I didn’t have to go to work I could actually enjoy my day. Today in particular is going to be a strange one as I have to go to lunch with a vendor. Working lunches make me grumpy, especially since during this one we will be grilling the vendor for information. At least maybe I get a free meal out of the deal.

Rough Raiding

Last night I was not in the right frame of mind for raiding. That is the simple fact but the end results of the night didn’t really help either. As a whole the night felt like we were beating our heads against a wall. We had fourteen people, two healers and opted to run Blackrock Foundry Heroic. I am not the raid leader so I am sure there was a reason, but it felt like we were just setting ourselves up for failure. We managed to eek out a victory on Hans and Franz with that configuration. Then we lost one healer and gained a different healer, and someone healing in their off set. We pushed forward and managed to down Beastlord Darmac in this fashion, before heading on to do some attempts on Flambender Ka’graz. There we made some swaps to the layout that seem like they might have worked, but it required a lot more work adjusting on the tanking side, so overall it was a wash and we wiped horribly.

This stagnation and continued throwing ourselves against heroic when it seems like on some level we are just not ready for it is completely destroying any desire I have to log in. I am not sure what is going wrong honestly. I am not sure if our tanks are undergeared, or if our healers are undergeared… or if the dps are just taking too much “could be avoided” damage making the healers heal someone other than the tanks. All I know is that we are having to battle rez tanks constantly, and as a matter of course which makes all of our attempts sloppier than they should be. Our Tuesday WoW raid is generally bad at adjusting to the conditions on the ground which is maddening to me, because this is precisely the strength of the Monday night Final Fantasy XIV raid. If things don’t go according to plan we seem to lose our shit completely, and end up flailing wildly… or standing in shit and dying. So I am not sure if we just have a massive case of tunnel vision or if there is some gearing problem at hand. I know for me personally I am still wearing 640 pants because nothing better will drop.

Bad Medicine

The problem is right now I am right back in that old familiar place. I dread logging into World of Warcraft Tuesday and Thursday to get a raid invite. I’ve reached that point where I am just frustrated with the whole raiding in wow experience. I have been here so many times before, and I am not quite sure how to fix it. I feel committed to “take my medicine” and log in for the sake of my friends, but I question… are any of us actually having any fun right now? Monday was one of the funniest nights of raiding I have ever experienced, and we spent it wiping like nubs to turn 9 after having taken a month off of it. So it obviously is not progression that ultimately dictates how I feel about a raid… it is the attitude of the raiders and the atmosphere of the raid. We spent Monday laughing and joking, and at the same time we made some serious progress. That is when I love to raid, when it feels like we are pulling together as a team even if we are wiping horribly.

The Tuesday/Thursday night raids just feel broken. They have about as much mirth as the waiting room of a battered women’s shelter. I log in and join the raid and I feel worse, because there is an unspoken tension going on. No one talks anymore, because key players in the raid are easily distracted by chatter. What is frustrating is, this is not the raid I joined. This is not the raid I saw at the end of Siege of Orgrimmar, or even during High Maul. That raid was excited about the prospects of this expansion, and enjoyed their evenings spent together. This raid just feels stressed and burnt out… and I have no clue how to rehabilitate it. I wish I did know honestly, because I miss that raid that existed before we set foot into Blackrock Foundry. That is a raid I enjoyed spending two nights a week with. This one… I just end up zoning out and waiting for the night to be over.

Thriving Community

March 12, 2015 by Belghast

Oklahoma Conventions

Pax South was my first real gaming convention, and I have to say I had an absolute blast there. Don’t get me wrong I had been to a few conventions in the past, even worked a few comic book conventions when I worked at a comic book shop, but they were nothing like Pax. This got me thinking about what I might be missing out on here locally. It turns out we have a not insignificant number of conventions that happen within a short driving distance. In fact at the tail end of this month a pretty big retro gaming convention is happening in the Oklahoma City area. As you can see from the handy little button thing on the right it is happening March 28th and 29th at the Oklahoma Expo Hall of the Oklahoma State Fair Park in Oklahoma City… Oklahoma. Yeah that was a lot of Oklahoma in a row, even as a lifer I thought it was a bit excessive.

Super! Bitcon is going on its second year, and seems to be a pretty cool place to go especially if you are into “retro” gaming… or as I like to call it “my childhood”. They have several well known guests on the docket like Smooth McGroove, Alpha Omega Sin, and Patrick Scott Patterson. They also apparently have a fairly large exhibitor hall with several local and regional companies showing off the games they have been working on, as well as a free play arcade and gaming museum. There is this #IamSuperBitcon thing from social media where folks talk about their experiences last year that is really interesting to watch as well. The absolute best part of all of this is that you get a two day pass for only $10 and for this… I thought it would be a sin for me to pass up going. Oklahoma City is only an hour and a half drive for me from Tulsa, so not a big deal at all. One of my new goals this year is to try and hit up as many of these smaller conventions as I can to tide me over until the next Pax. As we get closer to time I will talk about the Heartland Gaming Expo and the XPO games convention both in the Tulsa area. It just excites me that we have this thriving games culture seemingly in my own back yard.

Thriving Community

One of the topics that I have been mulling over in my head is why exactly we have manages to stay happy and engaged with Final Fantasy XIV for the better part of this last year. So often we pop into a MMO and last a few months only to flit off to another title a month later. At the same time I have been examining why I stayed in World of Warcraft for over seven years, and continue to return to it. I think the answer to Final Fantasy XIV is two fold. Firstly we returned to the game after a sequence of boom bust cycles in MMOs like Elder Scrolls Online and Wildstar. I was personally looking for a place to “settle down” for awhile, and Final Fantasy XIV had been the only title that all of my friends seemed to leave “on good terms” with. So we set down roots, and I started getting involved in the Cactuar community as did the rest of my guild. This process was aided by the fact that we had nothing on the horizon to draw our attention away from the game. As such we have been able to play the game without the distraction of shiny new objects and their promises of a better gaming experience.

I think this lull in MMO releases has helped a lot of games that were stable get more so. When I came back to Final Fantasy XIV last July they were at I believe 2.5 million subscribers, and last week they announced that they had blossomed up to 4 million subscribers. That is a fairly significant growth over what is essentially two quarters, and I think that in part it has a lot to do with the fact that there is really nothing out there to pull attention away from it. Don’t get me wrong Warlords of Draenor happened, and I have been playing it… but that is only a draw to players who still have warmth in their hearts for the World of Warcraft franchise. I think the answer to why we have stayed is that we were given enough time to set down roots. We not only have friends in our free company, but are members of several active linkshells that give us access to raiding and grouping beyond our own numbers. This sort of environment is contagious and has made recruiting more members to the fold exceptionally easy. All of which builds upon itself giving me the piece the kept me coming back to World of Warcraft all of this time… a stable and thriving community. The awesome thing is… I can have my cake and eat it two, because at this point my community in World of Warcraft is vastly different than my community blooming here in Final Fantasy XIV.

The Botanist

I had every intention to come home and have a quiet night of powering through the early levels of botany. In fact that is precisely how my evening started, with me brute forcing the level 10 trees near Bentbranch in the Central Shroud. Right now I am working towards the level 10 quest, which will require 99 Crow Feathers. My goal is to be able to have 99 waiting and ready for when I ding 10 and can immediately turn in that quest and move on to the next sequence. However last night it was only a matter of moments before someone in guild needed something… and the adventurer inside me leapt at the chance to do something “not crafting”. My friend Arkenor needed a run of Haukke Manor, and another group needed a run of Copperbell and thankfully we had the right mix of people to make both happen. I tanked Haukke on my Paladin and another run when smoothly. I have said this before, but I keep having to say it over and over. I love how damned easy and rewarding it is to run lower level content with your friends.

Once the crafting thing was tossed aside I spent most of the rest of the night running content. We moved from Haukke into a random Expert Roulette picking up Cav to add to Ash, myself and Thalen. Once finished there I ran a few trials roulette and a hard roulette… and before I realized it was 9:30 and I was starting to get a bit tired. This is the way an evening can evaporate in Eorzea, with a bunch of chain events that make you wonder where the time went. So sadly I did not make much progress on Botanist, but I am feeling that Sunday I will have another “catch up on television” day downstairs on my laptop and push forward again. At some point I need to run a good deal more content however because I would really like to cap my poetics this week, and I have barely put a dent in them. If I keep running a few roulettes each day, I should be able to do it without much difficulty. The only monkey wrench in this plan is the fact that most of Saturday I will be out of town, leaving me only Sunday to really work on such things. In any case… I had a fun evening with my Free Company and have zero regrets of not making any flower picking progress.

Highlights of Pax South

January 26, 2015 by Belghast

The Day After

This mornings post is coming out super late because… I slept in. After feeling like I had worked the last few days, I was super thankful to have taken Monday off. The positive is that since I had gotten up every morning at 5:30 it should not be too hard to shift back into work mode tomorrow. To the left is a photo I took yesterday when we were gassing up at the altar of excess… the New Braunfels Buc-ee’s. We decided since it was a short distance from San Antonio that we would stop there for breakfast and gas up for the trip. So here you have a very sleepy Bel who had not slept terribly well the night before. When I came back to my hotel room I was kind of riding an adrenaline high from day two. This meant that nothing that I did seemed to be able to calm my mind down enough to sleep. Normally this is the point when I get up and play some game, but our hotel internet connection was fairly slow, and I did not really want to go through the process of having to verify to WoW or FFXIV that I was connecting from a foreign IP… also I had already packed up all of my gear in preparation for getting up early the next morning.

Because all the pre-packing we managed to get on the road about 6:30 am and drove through to Waco before taking our first stop (other than Buc-ee’s) which bought us quite a bit of time. One of the things I want to ask my Texan friends… what the fuck is with the lean beef sausage? I thought maybe the BBQ joint in Austin was an aberration, but upon stopping at Buc-ee’s I got two Kolaches and both were this super lean, super dense beef sausage. Firstly sausage should be pork, but even that aside it should be a FATTY meat… because otherwise it is just like eating this dry meat log. That said compared to my beloved QuikTrip I was not terribly impressed with either my or my wife’s breakfast choices. They got a massive strike from my wife in that they did not have any donuts… they had EVERYTHING you could imagine, but no donuts. Anyways lackluster breakfast and fairly insane prices aside… we had a pretty chill trip back. I think in part it was the desire to get home that kept me going. So we stopped in Waco, Allen, Durant to hit a Gas Station, Atoka to hit an old school non-supercenter style Wal-mart and then pushed straight through to home. So we were on the road from 6:30 am until somewhere between 4:30 and 5 pm. Considerably better time than the trip out.

Highlights of Pax South

I have to say hands down the best thing to come out of Pax South was getting to meet my long time friend, guildie, and podcasting compatriot Ashgar in person. There are always those awkward moments when you see someone in the flesh that you already know their vocal mannerisms as your mind adjusts to seeing a body attached to them… but that faded extremely quickly. I snapped a photo of him dominating a cool indie game, and I believe it was snapped without him really knowing I took it… but considering he didn’t seem to mind the picture from yesterday going ahead and posting it anyways. For the last several years this man has been one of my closest friends, and I cannot wrap up the magic that was meeting him in person and realizing that yup he is in fact exactly like how I expected him to be in the flesh. I am of course sad that we only got to hang out that one day… but it was a pretty awesome day.

While I didn’t stop and take pictures of many of them… I have to say seeing all the people dressed up as things they loved was another huge plus of the experience. The entire convention has this entire vibe of “everything is awesome”. The past year has been a rough spot for gamers as a whole, and I was pleasantly surprised that I did not witness any creepy or reprehensible behavior. I did witness a socially awkward kid addressing a woman dressed as Teemo as “hot teemo” but a random guy from the crowd stepped up to say “man you are being a little creepy” and the socially awkward kid apologized and walked away. The thing that made me the happiest were the pairs of fathers and daughters roaming around the convention… when you could tell the daughter was the one who was really excited to be there. Pax South gave me a lot of hope for the future, and I am sure there were bad things that came out of the con, like there are anywhere… but it did not at least seem to be super prevalent. The photo to the side was so spectacular that I stopped and asked the guy if he minded me taking it. For those who are not familiar… this is a spot on “Old Gregg” from The Mighty Boosh. To make things even better… he pretty much nailed the Old Gregg voice and mannerisms as well. Was kinda bummed that he did not offer me warm baileys from a shoe.

Another moment that was absolute magic was sitting in the crowd waiting for the Guild Wars 2 Heart of Thorns announcement. I am not even a fan of Guild Wars 2 really… and I even felt pumped to see what was going on. They had left these inflatable “thunder sticks” with the Guild Wars 2 logo on them.. and folks were using them to great benefit. The noise was deafening so I attempted to take a video to give folks an example. Moments before Jennifer Hale took the stage the crowd had started a slower rhythmic thump which was awesome. I’ve seen a number of expansion announcements before but it is difficult to grasp the hype of the moment while watching a twitch stream from the comfort of your home. I was roughly six to eight rows back in the dead center of the auditorium and the excitement was just infectious. I have no clue if I will play Guild Wars 2 Heart of Thorns at launch, but having Jennifer Hale come out to work up the crowd was an awesome choice. She as always is a badass. Even if I don’t play the game, I am happy I got to participate in its announcement.

Belle of the Ball

I have to break this photo out again, because it makes me so happy to have a picture of Rae, Ash and Me playing Gigantic. This game was really my own personal “best in show”, in part because it was not something I expected to like at all. They really did an outstanding job both in the staging of the product, their booth, and building buzz around the convention. They also had what looked to be a pretty awesome party Saturday night. I swung by for a bit to say hi, but knowing I had a long drive ahead of me I simply did not stay for long. That party honestly was the only time during the entire weekend that crowds got to me… but that was in part due to the fact that it was quite literally standing room only. Finding enough free space to move around between the various areas of the room was a bit of a challenge and folks had spilled out onto the nearby balcony as well. Everyone I dealt with from Motiga the company behind Gigantic was simply awesome and welcoming. It was so many things that made them my pick of the show, for starters it is a game I had no real interest in but only sat down to play it due to my personal connection to Lonrem who was helping them out that weekend. The booth downstairs was impressive, and really dominated the floor which is saying something considering both Twitch and Intel had some pretty intense booths as well. On top of that… the lines to play this game were insane. At one point Saturday the line almost wrapped around twice. I’ve never been one to watch other people play games… I don’t watch a lot of twitch unless the caster is a friend of mine. While my circle of friends are big into watching the LCS play in League… I get bored within a few minutes of a match starting. However at various points during the weekend I found myself hanging out upstairs in the scrimmage room just watching the various teams playing. I found myself drawn to this game in ways I can’t quite grasp.

Largely I think this is in part because the game is visually exciting to watch. There is constant action and the characters are animated beautifully. Every attack you perform feels important, because there is weight to the animations that make them feel epic. Another huge thing for me was just how “at home” I felt with the controls. During the first match I picked up the controls of The Margrave within a few seconds and landed the first kill of the game. It felt and controlled exactly like I thought that character should. In my second game I wanted to try a champion, only to find it was already taken… so picked Roland on a whim. I don’t normally like ranged characters, but I felt Roland’s mid to short range game play compelling with the hookshot escape mechanism to get away when things went bad. So there I was playing a ranged character and loving it, in spite of it going against everything I traditionally like in games. I have a feeling I could probably pick up ANY character and find something I liked about it. The skill sets just seem to have a lot of depth to them, and the various specializations give players way to tweak them and make them their own. I am really looking forward to seeing more of this game as it moves forward towards the planned late 2015 release.