Grand Experiment Archives - Page 25 of 200

Reluctant Blogger

May 5, 2015 by Belghast

My First Blog

This mornings blog post is inspired by a conversation I saw yesterday between two friends about the starting of a new blog. There are many people that have this strong desire to start a blog, but for whatever reason lack the confidence to push them over the edge to actually putting a plan in motion. Some people are gifted with a clear vision for what they want to write about, and a firm purpose to make it all happen. That unfortunately is not most of us. Most of us have this burning desire to write, but are also strapped with crippling self doubt. While I might look like I know what I am doing, I am here to tell you that every single day is a struggle to keep making content. While I have been doing this for six years now, and been doing the every day thing for two… I still don’t really know what I am doing on a regular basis. I take each new day as it comes and try and figure out exactly what I should be doing in the process.

This morning I want to tell you a story about another blog. I started Tales of the Aggronaut in 2009 with a firm purpose, and a vision for what I wanted it to be. The thing is.. I never would have gotten to that point had another blog not existed. Back in 2005 I stared a blogspot blog because I had this overwhelming desire to write. The problem being that I didn’t really know what to write about. I mostly wrote about my misadventures, and a little bit about the ins and outs of our family. But early on I knew there was a big part of my life that I just wasn’t talking about… because I felt like no one would want to hear about it. So my first blog was ultimately a failure because it didn’t really represent my gaming. Additionally Tales of the Aggronaut I feel was an initial failure because it failed to represent more than just my gaming hobby. What finally ended up working… eight years later… was a blending of both. Lots of gaming, but still the freedom to talk about whatever else happened to be happening to me.

Reluctant Blogger

My first blog was a blog that hardly anyone read, because I lacked the self confidence to talk about it publically. It was very much a private journal that I let the occasional person know about. The folks that did read it seemed to like it, and urged me to do more, but in the back of my head there was always this nagging voice. “There is nothing you have to say that isn’t already being said… and being said better.” This is the voice you have to ignore to be able to keep blogging, because it never really goes away. There is not a single day when I don’t hear it still. Every time I hit the publish button I have to hold my breath and close my eyes and click it… because even after doing this for all these years I still struggle to defeat my inner doubt. It would be amazing if I could tell you that it just magically goes away, but I can at least say that over time it lessens. The voice has less sway over me than it once did, which I guess is a step in the right direction.

You might say to yourself that you have nothing to say, and that others are saying it better… but the act of you saying it makes it special and unique. I could read fifty blog posts on exactly the same subject and each and every one would have some nugget that the others did not. While we might be espousing the same ideas… each of us is adding our own experience to that mix. Right now, before you start down this journey you might believe that you don’t have a voice worth hearing but I am telling you that you do. Be honest with yourself, and write about the things you want to write about… and somewhere in between your voice will trickle to the surface. Blogging is not about being controversial or brilliant, but instead about being honest and letting the world see who you really are and what think. This act of sharing is precious, and makes whatever it is that you choose to share more than worthy of our attention. We are this culmination of our emotions, experiences, actions and thoughts wrapped up together making anything you have to say on any subject uniquely nuanced.

Lets Get Started

As I wrote to the Wayward Bloggers a few days ago, this morning I am writing to the Reluctant Bloggers. I am addressing the folks that want to start a blog but for whatever reason are being held back from doing so. If you are watching the Newbie Blogger Initiative and feel that tiny tug trying to get you to start your own epic blog, I ask you to hop down off the fence you are sitting on and get started. The Newbie Blogger Initiative is the perfect time to get things in motion because you have an entire community waiting her ready to give you that hand up. There are an almost overwhelming number of ways to get started. Most people start with either a WordPress.com or a Blogger.com and go from there. Blogger is without a doubt the easiest way to get started, but WordPress will make transitioning to a self hosted site in the future less of a hassle. In either case, the act of getting something started is the important thing. If these seem “too real” for you to get your feet wet, then I suggest starting a blog on Anook.com and seeing how things work for you.

Some people are gifted with the ability to start writing quality content from day one. In my permission to suck post from last year I talk about the fact that I was not one of those people. I struggled for a long time to find my format and to find my voice. My blog itself has gone through so many transitions from WoW Blog, Rift Blog, to ultimately becoming a fairly game agnostic blog about me as a person and my gaming habit. The truth is that you should expect to hate the first dozen posts you make within a years time. Like I said there are the occasional folks that can crank out amazing stuff, but I personally would be happy never to see the first several years worth of posts on this blog. The awesome thing about being human beings is that we are able to change and to adapt, and expect your blog and your writing to do the same. Just like learning to ride a bike was wobbly at first, your blog will be a bit wobbly and that is okay. You are doing something that you are going to get better at, and we as a community will be here to help you. Now you simply have to get started.

Marvel Heroes Binge

May 4, 2015 by Belghast

A Truly Amazing Day

One of the huge positives about where we live is that we are close to an awful lot of things that are within reasonable walking distance. Over the last year or so we have tried to take advantage of this fact by walking to dinner more often. This weekend however I did something I should have done a very long time ago and walked to the movies. There is a theater literally less than two blocks away from my house, but I’ve never actually walked there before. Granted when walking to dinner we walk past it all of the time. Sunday I decided to go to the 10:30 am matinee and watch the new Avengers movie. The movie itself was pretty great, and i feel like I need to watch it again to really take in all of the sights the movie had to offer. This is a very “busy” film packed with some absolutely insane action sequences. I feel like it is a toss up between the Hulk and Black Widow as to who stole the show, but I have always been partial to both of them.

As I was exiting the theater I texted my wife to let her know that I would be on my way home. However when I poked my head out into the light there she was waiting on me. She walked down hoping to surprise me, and then the two of us walked over to get lunch. It was a really beautiful day, and she is constantly telling me that I need to get more sunlight. While I am still not the biggest fan of the sun, she is probably right because I feel better today after having done all of this yesterday. We had some errands to run, but by the time we got back to the house we both decided it was nap time. After getting back up we ran to target really quickly and then she went outside to read in the rocking chair, and I played games. It was a pretty great day, and I am hoping to take advantage of the movie theater being so close in the future. There are a lot of movies that I want to see that she has no interest in. Walking down makes it feel less of a hassle for some reason, and also serves as some exercise.

Marvel Heroes Binge

It was probably because of the awesome Avengers movie, but when I got home I ran a quick expert roulette and then logged to play Marvel Heroes. This game has really grown on me and I am feeling like a massive failure for not giving it a chance before now. Normally the whole Diablo thing is a bit of a turn off anymore, but for whatever reason the combination of Super Heroes and Diablo works well for me. I have been accumulating a lot of various boost potions, because they give you plenty of them as part of the daily login reward system. Yesterday I opted to take several of the various 2 hour boosts and see what all I could accomplish. I pushed Captain America that has become my main from 22 to 27 almost 28 over the course of those two hours. Right now there are a lot of things working in my favor since there is an event happening that gives Avengers a boost. The only bad thing is that the cosmic gear I am wearing has yet to be replaced which bums me out slightly. I guess I might have to try my luck again at the cosmic boxes from Adam Strange.

I am just starting the Savage Lands which according to my friend is one of the more frustrating areas of the game. I personally found that the tail end of Stryker’s camp to be extremely frustrating with Sentinels dropping on me every five seconds. I keep feeling like I should probably play other characters up since I now have this whole synergy thing unlocked… but really I am still having a blast playing Cap. His skillset is almost perfect suited for my particular play style. I can charge through a bunch of mobs taking them out, and then when I get into the center of a pack twirl my shield around taking all but the blue or better mobs out. Then I just mob up with shield throws or punches and repeat. It feels very enjoyable, but I am actually looking forward to seeing what the new heroic difficulty that I unlocked is like. There are absolutely times that the game feels mindlessly simple, so I would be curious to see if Heroic is like hard is for Diablo 3… aka the new “normal”.

Closing in on Botanist

Another thing I worked on last night was pushing Botanist up a bit more. I really want to finish leveling this to 50, and have felt the need to do just this before really starting in on crafting proper. I realize this might be a bit strange of logic but it works for me. I spent my evening catching up on Game of Thrones and Silicon Valley, both shows that I had not really watched for the last few weeks. While doing this I ran a whole slew of Botany leves and managed to push from 35 to 45 which hopefully means I can finish off the leveling process at some point this week. I will be happy to have finished leveling the two harvesting professions that I am going to need to most while leveling my other crafters. Right now however I have to collect 20 high quality mistletoe to turn in to the quest giver. This is going to be a fairly daunting task, given that I cannot simply buy my way through it. It seems HQ mistletoe is in short supply as there was absolutely none on the market board. As a result I will be spending the next little bit in the Whitebrim area harvesting like mad trying to complete the 45 quest.

The other thing I really want to do soon is push my Arcanist from 22 to 30 so that I can become a scholar. If I manage to do that I can get to 50 relatively easily doing the fast healer dungeon queues. Depending on how many leves it takes me to get to 50 Botanist, I might follow this interesting guide posted on the FFXIV Reddit. Ashgar pointed this out, and it seems like a perfectly reasonable way to level. I actually like chain running leves because it is also a decent source of retainer tokens. I would love to see myself level a few more classes to 50 before the expansion, because I have 100 level weapons waiting on them. I have been dumping my excess soldiery into buying the various weapons, and just have one left to purchase, which admittedly is a little insane. The problem is… what else was I going to use that soldiery on? I am actually right around the point where I need to buy the final weapon, which makes me feel like a slacker for not leveling all of those classes to 50. Final Fantasy XIV has way more content than I could ever hope to do… so at times I just feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of things that I want to be doing.

Enjoying Wildstar

May 3, 2015 by Belghast

AggroChat 55 – Calling All Bloggers

This week I start off the show, and even title it with a pretty massive plug for the Newbie Blogger Initiative. What is the NBI you ask? Well this is the time of the year when Veteran bloggers support new folks wanting to get started in this madness. This year we are making an extra special push to try and help new podcasters, youtubers, and streamers along with the bloggers. Additionally I myself am making a special push to try to rekindle the fire in some of our wayward bloggers who are no longer as regular as they used to be. The entire month of May is dedicated to helping folks get started and find their niche, and since most of the AggroChat crew have participated in the past, it is time to get the word out.

As far as the rest of the show we had myself, Tam, Ashgar, Kodra and Grace. As always we spent a good deal of time talking Final Fantasy XIV since we are all still heavily playing it. Right now Greysky Armada our Free Company is back holding the bronze medal again for being the third most active Free Company on our server Cactuar. This week also saw myself and Grace spending some more time playing some more Wildstar. The Black Dagger Society the guild I am connected to has been having a guild night on Fridays and as such I have started joining in the festivities. Additionally there was talk of Marvel Heroes, Diablo 3, Ashgar returning to his Gameboy Advance roots, Tam winning his first Infinity tournament since the move, and similarly Kodra beating VVVVVV for the first time in his new place. Since this month is devoted to Shadowrun for the Gameclub we are also starting to play some of this. It was a fun show in spite of being in that pre-E3 gaming doldrum.

Making Progress

I’ve been down a bit on raiding lately in my posts so I wanted to take a moment to give a bit of an update of sorts. The Tuesday before last was very seriously one of the worst nights of raiding I have had in a very long time. It really made me question if I wanted to keep trying to raid in World of Warcraft, and I posted this long discussion about it. It seems like I actually gave voice to some of the same feelings that many of our raid had been having, but for whatever reason had not actually talked about. As a result a dialog has started among some of the members, and I have to say I think things are starting to improve. Tuesday this week was still a pretty rough night, but it felt at least somewhat better. Thursday however on the other hand felt really good. We were a much trimmed down group due to some absences but I also felt like we were working better as a team. We lowered the bar slightly and worked on normal content again, clearing everything we had ever cleared before in a single night and putting in some serious work on the forge encounter.

If we had another hour of attempts I feel like we probably could have downed the encounter. Things were flowing so much better than they ever had before. We were getting through to the second phase, and then approaching it with a sense of direction and purpose. We were alternating between burning down the Elementalists and focusing down the waves of adds. We managed to push through to the final phase, and if we were at our full numbers we might have been able to defeat it. I think we learned a lot of good lessons that we can hopefully apply this Tuesday. The thing is… I am feeling something that I have not felt in a very long time… the desire to get back in there and give it another shot. I am actually looking forward to raiding in World of Warcraft this week, and that is a pretty awesome thing. Maybe just maybe we can make the changes necessary in the raid to make it a better experience for all of us. At this point I am glad I said something, and started the discussion. I guess the truth is if you are not having a good time, chances are you aren’t the only one.

Enjoying Wildstar

Similarly this week I have been enjoying quite a bit of Wildstar. I am still taking it nice and slow, but at this point I am level 16 with just a short ways to go to 17. I have officially finished the Algoroc zone and will be moving into the next area. The Black Dagger Society has been awesome to me, and I am super thankful to Chestnut and Chaide for giving me a friendly home to hang my hat in. It turns out that Friday nights are somewhat of a guild night for grouping, and they have been working on lower level content. Currently I do not have any other commitments Friday nights, so I am going to try and make that my Wildstar day. This week they ran me through the earliest Protostar dungeon, and it does a pretty great job of teaching you what you need to do to succeed in a Wildstar instance. Honestly I wish that this would have been the first dungeon when we were playing at launch, because I feel like it would have cleared up a lot of the frustrations had by many players.

The group we went into Wildstar with was made up of some pretty disparate points of view and skill levels. For some the extremely frenetic pace of the dungeons was a point of frustration especially as we were trying to learn “on the fly” all of the various things we were supposed to be doing. This dungeon eases the player in teaching them the various mechanics and then building upon them as the phases go, finally culminating in a boss fight that is fairly representative of what I saw in the “real” dungeons. While the dungeon is essentially a giant tutorial, it is still extremely fun and when a random stranger asked me if I wanted to join them… I happily ran it again. The other big switch I have made is previously I was focusing entirely on tanking as the warrior and now I am starting to build out my dps abilities as well. In most games I level as tanky as much as anything else in an effort to be as survivable as I can be for fighting the named encounters. In this game I feel almost more survivable playing DPS as I do as a tank. Essentially the amount of damage I deal more than makes up for the extra damage I might be receiving. I am still pleasantly surprised that I am enjoying Wildstar as much as I actually am. Pretty happy I decided to give it another shot.

The Wayward Blogger

May 2, 2015 by Belghast

Tyranny of a Blank Page

Early in the week I had this idea of what I was going to write about for Storytime Saturday, and it was something good. The problem is as Saturday has now happened I cannot for the life of me remember what it was that I wanted to write about. Jaedia says this is why she keeps notes… but I ultimately fail at doing that. I have literally hundreds of “Untitled” Google documents with only a few sentences in them, so note taking is not exactly my strong suit. Actually the problem isn’t the notes themselves but the organization. Some people can neatly compartmentalize their lives into subjects and categories and then there are people like me that are shocked and amazed if anything goes as planned… because we are constantly rewriting that plan as we go along. This is the point where I admit that I really have no prep work for my blog.

This is a curse and a blessing both depending on the day. As I could not think of anything to write about this morning it was a curse. The fact that I could start banging away on my keys and make something work as I went along… is the blessing. As writers we have to find whatever it is that works for us. I’ve always tended to be one of those “rough outline” people, that I need a sketch of a roadmap… but then prefer to fill in the details as I go allowing myself to be flexible and adjust to change as it happens. The irony of this… is that I am pretty damned adaptable, but I still end up hating change in most forms. I guess when you choose to life your life is a state of loosely organized chaos, you learn to really respect the parts of your life that you can commit to routine. Those are the stable base that you build your ever changing life upon, so when one of those things changes you notice it.

The Wayward Blogger

One of the things I took special time to point out yesterday in all of my NBI 2015 announcements… was that we are also looking for what I termed the “Wayward Blogger”. I guess this hits home for me especially because still deep within my core I am one of you. I was a Wayward blogger for years, with weeks where I was extremely active, and month long pauses in activity. If I could do this whole blogging daily thing naturally then I wouldn’t need to challenge myself by calling it the “Grand Experiment” and keeping track of each and every day that goes by where I didn’t break the streak. If you look through my blogs history you will find several six or seven month lapses in posting, and today during Storytime Saturday I guess I want to address those. Not necessarily why the lapses happened but what my mental state was like during each.

The problem with a blog is when it starts to get popular you feel like you are forced to produce content. The irony of doing the blogging every day thing, is that in many ways it is a gimmick. When you are producing that much content people are generally forgiving on your off days. Not every single post I make is meaningful or important, and some of them are going to flat out honestly suck. I’ve talked about the “permission to suck” before, but it is even more than just this. When you are blogging infrequently you feel like you have to write gold every single time you set your fingers to your keyboard. This pressure is overwhelming sometimes and each day that passes gets internalized as another rung higher your subsequent post has to be to make up for the fact that it has been six months.

Permission to be Boring

I have no stats on this, but this is something I have heard from each and every other person that has gone dormant. That they don’t blog because they feel like they simply don’t have anything to say that is worthy of that “triumphant return” post. This is the instinct we have to figure out how to subvert if we are going to be happy bloggers. Like the permission to suck when you are just starting out, you have to give yourself the permission to be boring on occasion. Writing a “return” post is often like ripping off a band aid. You need to get it over with quickly so you can get on with the normal business of writing posts. The thing you have to realize is that for most readers your blog has been shuffled into a RSS Reader along with the rest of the people that they follow. They will notice when you come back, but no one is actually there waiting every single day for that “epic post” you have built up in your head.

Ultimately if anyone is going to read a blog for any length of time, there is a transition that happens. You stop caring so much about what is being written and begin to focus on the person behind the screen. Those people, the ones that have transitioned to caring about you as a human being… they will always be there when you return to welcome you with open arms. The other folks who were only there when you were producing that thing they desired on that specific moment… they will always be fickle and aren’t really worth the heartache and frustration. You need to ask yourself what exactly do you want to write about and then focus on doing just that. So many of us started our blogs as one thing, and then realized whatever that “one” thing was no longer sustainable. We then transitioned into writing about the things that made us happy, and have kept going because of whatever that “thing” was.

I Am Proof

Essentially I offer myself as proof that you too can be a pillar of stability in the community. I was quite possibly one of the least prolific bloggers, with some pretty massive absences. The longest one that I can remember was the seven months that passed between the last blog post and me rededicating myself to doing the daily blogging experiment. Each time I felt like a complete failure for letting the blog posts stop. Each time I beat myself up for not being able to crank out content when I “wasn’t feeling it”. Each time I could not get the desire that I should be writing something out of my head, and ultimately this small amount of madness lead me to put fingers to keyboard again and start writing. Now is when I let you in on a little secret… that inner doubt, the bit of you that tells you not to post. That never actually goes away. Most mornings I have to hold my breath and close my eyes… and press the publish button, because the inner voice inside me is constantly telling me that whatever I am doing simply isn’t good enough.

I was and still am in many ways a Wayward Blogger, I am just learning how to overcome those instincts and force myself to perform. I don’t know what I am doing most days, and in truth I don’t even have a clue. I just keep moving forward and adapting to whatever happens, coming up with things on the fly as I push forward. If I can do this… quite literally anyone can. I am possibly the least qualified person to be doing what I am doing on a daily basis, yet I keep finding a way to make it happen. You are significantly more talented than I am, and will go on and make more magic than I could ever dream of. You simply have to push yourself to do it. Prove it to yourself, prove it to the community… that you can be our next shining star. The support is there, you just need to make it happen by finding what it is that you love talking about, and start writing. My hope this Newbie Blogger Initiative is not so much that we get this massive crop of new bloggers, but that instead we find a way to rekindle the fires of bloggers that have long gone dormant. If I can do this so can you.