This is a weird post and I am not exactly sure how to write it.  I find myself contemplating a break from blogging, or at least greatly ratcheting down the amount that I spend writing.  It feels like for awhile now I have been too little butter spread across way too much toast.  There are so many times I sit down in front of the keyboard in the morning and I have no clue what I am going to talk about, and somewhere along the way a post comes out.  The problem is…  it isn’t usually a very good one.  When I first started blogging I was full of ideas that I felt like I had to get out of my head to keep from bursting.  However the rate at which those ideas regenerated was way slower than the time in which it took to drain the well dry.  Partially it is that I don’t think what I am doing is all that interesting anymore.  I am no longer playing any one game serious enough to be a reasonable source of information about it, and I am not playing enough games to really be any sort of interesting review source.  I’ve fallen into this pattern of largely playing whatever I happen to be playing on a much more casual level than I used to, and as a result you see long strings of posts about my activity in Destiny, Diablo 3, Final Fantasy XIV and occasionally World of Warcraft.  None of which is filled with that much useful information,  nor do I really feel like I have enough personality to carry it off anymore.

I am not really sure what this means, but it all feels like I am forcing the daily blog to be a thing right now.  In truth my blog was never really known for the quality of content, but more the quantity and I guess on some level that is a little bit depressing.  Talking a lot without saying anything meaningful is not exactly my favorite thing.  I know that I don’t want to do anything like nuke the blog from orbit…   I am more the sort to simply let something rot on a server forever rather than delete it.  The problem that I am having is that I wish I could blog with regularity…  but also only do it when I have something worth talking about.  I am not entirely certain if I am capable of doing something…  but doing it intermittently.  My life tends to be a series of routines, and once one is abandoned it tends to be gone forever.  I am hoping that I can figure out how to blog when I actually want to be blogging rather than out of some sense of obligation or devotion depending on which day it is.  It is my hope that by backing off from forcing myself to do this every morning…  that I might be able to get some of my creativity back.  I have this weird problem with when something feels like a job… it ruins the fun for me.  There was a period of time when I used to love development…  and now it is largely something I do to get a paycheck.  Similarly I used to love sitting down in the morning and baring my soul for you all…  but over time that too has started to feel like a job.

Here is hoping I can figure out a way to keep doing this blog…  but recapture some of the fun.  Regardless from this post forward we are entering a new phase of my blogging.  If I have something to say I will say it.  If I don’t however I will just peacefully drink my coffee in the morning and do something else.

Having the “Fourth” holiday happen in the middle of a week always throws me off.  For example I got up yesterday and never once considered sitting down to blog…  until about 10:30 my wife asked me something about it and if I was going to call it “the weekend”.  In truth I have felt a little out of it for the last week or so, mostly because a whole bunch of things have happened.  Firstly we had the whole “dog adopted us” thing, which caused us to completely screw up our sleep patterns.  For months now our Eldest ferret has not been doing very good, so there has been a daily routine of cleaning up after her.  Monday evening when I got home from work, I went to check on her and found that she had passed peacefully during the day.  We sort of knew it would be soon because we had been feeding her this nutrient soup, and Sunday night she refused to eat any…  and also refused to drink much in the way of water.  In some ways finding she passed peacefully curled in a little ball in one of the warm beds is a relief…  because its like she drifted off to sleep and just never woke up.  Whatever relief I am feeling however is outmatched by the general sadness of knowing she is gone… so it is a truly mixed bag of emotions.  At the same time we have been trying to double our attention on her cage mate who had been watching after her as the signs of aging got worse.  The challenge with ferrets is that they are extremely wiggly creatures… and as a result I have tons of blurry photos of them scampering and playing…  but not a whole lot that are nice and relatively still.  The above image is of a much much younger Bella and I managed to snap a few shots where we can actually see her face.  She was my girl, and would follow me around while I was doing whatever…  until I would finally go pick her up from the play pen.  Feeling more than a little broken at the moment.

You aren’t going to get much in the way of a traditional post out of me today.  I just don’t feel like talking about gaming and such.  So I will just leave you with another photo, this one shows Shiloh as well and is one of the few “scamper” shots that actually has Bella in focus.  In my four decades of life I have had to say goodbye to a lot of animal friends…  and it never really gets any easier.  In fact finding these photos this morning meant scrolling through a bunch of shots of Little Shit and Chloe as well…  and that sorta tore open its own old wounds.  I guess that is the challenge of the digital age…  you have a mountain of available photos available at a moments notice…  even if those photos are sometimes hard to look through.  Bella came to us with her name… and she was a rescue from someone who could no longer take care of her.  The original owner said it was short for Bellatrix as in Bellatrix Lestrange from the Harry Potter novels…  but I sort of think it was the worst possible name for her.  Firstly she was a blondish/white ferret…  which might have fit Narcissa but not Bellatrix.  Secondly she was one of the most loving and cheerful ferrets… and not at all similar to her cruel namesake.  We kept it because she seemed to respond to it, though I imagine she was responding more to our voices than a specific name.  She was our little escape artist, and I am sure at some point during my blog I have written about the fact that she figured out how to leap out of a marshall farms play pen…  leading us to zip tie plastic cardboard signs to the top to keep her from gaining traction and flopping over to the other side.  She had not been much of an escape risk for awhile though, and mostly just wanted to snuggle at all possible times.  She loved being carried around… and often helped me go fetch this or that around the house.  I am trying really hard to pour extra attention on Shiloh because I am sure she misses Bella…  but also because it helps me as well.  Bye baby girl.

Yesterday did not go exactly as intended.  Each morning during the summer two events happen… firstly I wander upstairs and start blogging or at least attempt to blog.  Secondly my wife goes out on a morning walk in our neighborhood.  It was on the second part of this equation that things started going off the rails.  Something you have to understand is that my wife and I are not dog people in general.  I mean I won’t refuse petting any dog, and the neighbors dogs are my buds…  but when it comes to actually cohabiting with one that has never been a thing for us.  The problem I have is that to a dog… you are the center of their universe which is a lot of fucking responsibility.  To a cat…  you barely inhabit their universe so you just sorta exist together in the same space, which is much more friendly to my personality.  My wife walks what is in truth a couple of miles around the neighborhood and early on this pair of dogs started following her.  This little boy has a female litter mate and at some point they both ran off to chase a rabbit and only the male dog returned to my wife’s side.  However he proceeded to follow her for another mile and a half…  and during one portion of the journey decided that running off into traffic was a good idea.  He wandered around with her until she finally made it home, where at which point she went through our back gate into the backyard and this little guy hung out at her side all day long.

We have a handful of websites that are for the bedroom community we live in, and she has blanketed them all with “dog found” posts.  The thing is… this is someones baby and he very obviously has a human…  and probably a female one at that.  He is super skittish around me…  but that could be the beard, or the fact that he has tiny stubby legs and I am 6’4″.  Last night we wandered the neighborhood asking anyone that happened to be out and about if they recognized the pupper and none said they had ever seen him.  We also loaded him up into my vehicle and took him to the vet so they could see if he had a micro chip…  and he rode like a champ happily pushing his face between my wife and I and looking out.  The thing is… he just does not seem like an outdoor dog he is in really immaculate shape.  His coat is soft and clean, and his mouth looks to be in excellent shape…  essentially someone has looked after him and loved on him and we just want to make sure we can find his home.  We are just not the sort of people that could ever call animal control or a shelter… so for the moment we seem to have a guest which is causing all sorts of problems.  Firstly he does not like being outside alone… because at about 11 pm last night when we went to bed he started barking and whining on the patio outside the bedroom.  We thought it might be a light thing but turning on some lights out there didn’t seem to help it at all.  My wife opted to take one for the team and rigged a make shift bed outside and slept for a good chunk of the night with him laying on the patio beside her.  Today it started raining… and he is now chilling in our garage because he was not really a fan of the thunder or the rain.  This is just not an outside animal…  and I hope that our wide net ends up finding his family.  The positive however is that if we do not find his home, we had a friend contact us last night that recently lost their dog…  and would be more than happy to adopt him.  I had to make a mad dash to the store last night and attempt to gather some rudimentary dog things…  food, collar, leash, ball, bone and a cheapo food dish.  Here is hoping that within a few days he has been reunited…  but in the meantime my wife seems to have a doggo.