Not Unscathed

by

Good Morning Folks. The last time I wrote a blog post I was talking about the upcoming colonoscopy. I have survived but not entirely unscathed and I will explain why. First off as everyone said, the worst part was mostly the prep. I did a split two day prep so on top of not eating anything solid for a bit, I started my first round of prep around 3 pm on Tuesday, and that more or less lasted about three hours of hell. Then I got up pretty early and started my second round of prep around 5 am… and again it lasted around three hours of hell. My dad picked me up around noon and we made our way to the location… but google maps took us to the wrong place. It took us to apparently a health club run by the medical group, and the actual procedure was in fact in the hospital proper. Luckily we had about 45 minutes of lead time so were able to get over there and Dad chose to do the complimentary valet parking because the parking garage is pure butts for a full-sized pickup.

One of the first major challenge is that they did not have ANY of my medical history, so I had to speed run documenting all of that. Thankfully I have the habit of taking a photo of any medications that I take each time they change so I have names and dosage information readily available. The biggest concern for me was to make sure that they understood that I had a severe negative reaction to the specific anesthesia combination of Reglan and Robinul. Interesting tidbit of knowledge… I now understand what exactly happened back in high school with these two drugs. Apparently they triggered something called Tardive Dyskinesia specifically in my eyes and mouth. I had always just referred to it as seizure like symptoms, but the Anesthesiologist was able to fill in the details for me. I have no clue if I have a future ahead of me where I will not be able to control my facial expressions, but here is hoping it was a one time thing. Suffice to say I did not want to live through that again. The last thing I needed was another thing to worry about, but it is good to at least better understand what happened.

The worst lingering immediate issue of yesterday is the fact that the nurses beat the shit out of me trying to get an IV started. I was fairly dehydrated from the prep work, and I think specifically Tuesday I was not pushing fluids anywhere near as hard as I should have been, largely because I knew I would have a decent drive to the facility and did not want to have any potential accidents. I think it is a combination of one of the nurses had a shit technique… because the two times she attempted are bruised as fuck and very sore to the touch… so much so that I cannot really lay my arm comfortably on any surface. The second nurse made an attempt on the top of my hand and there is zero bruising from that, and finally they decided to go for the big vein in the center of my elbow pit, which I wish they would have done from the start. Essentially they would get it started just fine, but the vein would collapse on them due to the dehydration. So now I mostly just look like I was attacked by the chupacabra or something with two puncture marks and giant bruises that seem to keep spreading.

Once I got back to the procedure room, they directed me into a super awkward position… told me that they were starting the anesthesia and then next thing I know I am waking up. I remember briefly having a bit of a dream where “Erasure” and I were talking about the procedure, and if you had told me that they were not for some reason able to complete anything I would have believed you. I did wake up and hear one of the doctors in the room saying “… he claimed he did not have Sleep Apnea”. To which I asked the recover nurse about, and apparently I absolutely exhibited clear signs of Sleep Apnea during the procedure. So add that to the list of things I will need to get checked out. I have gotten used to sleeping on my belly because it stopped me from snoring, and it was the least I could do for my partner of thirty years to make her sleep life easier. I am wondering if that also mitigated the effects of Sleep Apnea, because she never reported me waking up and gasping for breath, and surely she would have noticed it at some point because she had just as fitful sleep as I do at times.

Now some of this information I pieced together from my brief conversation with the doctor in recover, and some of it from the conversations he had out in the staging area with my Dad who drove me. Positives… I had zero polyps that they needed to remove. I unfortunately inherited the Diverticulosis from my Father, but that none of the the areas seemed to have been inflamed and turning into Diverticulitis, so again not unexpected given how bad he has it… and generally good news that it has not progressed to a chronic situation. The very bad not good at all news… is that I have a cancerous tumor in my lower rectum. They took a biopsy and I should know within a few days if it was benign or malignant, but for my purposes it does not really matter because it has to come out regardless. It will cause more problems the larger it grows and I will have to have a surgery to remove a small chunk of my bowels, probably a three to five day in the hospital type scenario. The main question I asked is if this is a bad type scenario and he said no, that this is just something that they stitch back together and life goes on like normal, with the added unfortunate effect of needing yearly colonoscopies for awhile.

So yeah… I have cancer and the ramifications are the same no matter what. I have to get surgery and will be referred to a specialist. I was told that he believes we caught this early, and this is not a particularly aggressive scenario, so in theory if I was going to get cancer this is the best possible situation for it. I didn’t want to have cancer, but if I have to have it… I guess I will consider it Bel Luck triggering again that it seems to be as good of a stance as we could have. I have no clue what the time table for this looks like. I know it took me from early November to late January to get in for a colonoscopy, so getting referrals often takes seemingly forever. I am hoping this does not cut into my Easter plans to visit “Erasure” but if it does we will deal with it at that point. I of course let “Erasure”, my siblings, and “The Librarian” know yesterday… pretty much in that order, and then later in the evening messaged my boss to let him know what was up. I have no clue who he will tell. I am not exactly going to be secretive about it, because clearly I am using this blog post to let you all know.

I’ve always maintained a level of openness about my life for good or bad with you. I’ve said for awhile that these posts are largely me sitting down at the keyboard and talking to myself, and in many ways it does feel like that. However I do know that there are thousands of you out there that read this on the regular either through Aggronaut or the syndicated version that appears on AggroChat (which I still think I want to burn down that site entirely at some point). I’ve shared my life with you all for going on seventeen years, and while I left out some details for the protection of others that are not me… I shared the core of the reality that I was living. I will probably be talking more about my cancer journey here, but hopefully it will not dominate this blog. I still expect to mostly be talking about dumb video game shit, because it brings me joy. I do however appreciate all of you out there, and I know that regardless of what happens you will be pulling for me… because you always have.

Anyways… I made it through yesterday, just not entirely unscathed. However the only way out is through and I have to deal with this no matter what happens.

Reconciling Sins

by

Good Afternoon Folks. This is going to be a bit of a trying week. Due to age and neglect… I have been dealing with a bunch of things all at once. When I made the radical decision around the start of the year to live my life, rather than simply waiting to die… that came with it a bunch of adult problems that I needed to deal with. Some of these were put in place well before now, for example last Friday I saw a Cardio doctor and while I will be doing a battery of tests in the coming weeks, was largely given a relatively clean bill of health other than high blood pressure. They made sweeping changes to my drug regimen and for the most part it seems to have wildly improved things. Today is the first day I am wearing some old man socks, aka compression socks in an attempt to combat one of the other residual effects that I had been dealing with. I would say not to get old… but the alternative is not great either. I think the better option is to not get old while fat and in relative disrepair.

Another thing that I have been dealing with this week is finally getting brave and going to the Dentist. It had been somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty years since I last went into the dentist for a routine cleaning. I’ve always been more than a little terrified of Dentists in general, and the longer I waited… the less opportune the end result was going to be. Bel luck prevailed however because apparently my teeth are still in pretty solid shape without yearly attention. However there are some problems that are going to have to be dealt with, like the fact that my lower front teeth have migrated all over the fucking place and should probably be aligned back up in some semblance of order. That will require some sort of dental appliance and time in order to get the desired results, and with that will come a heck of a lot of money I am sure.

The other big thing that I am dealing with this week… is another thing that was set in motion some time ago. I am going in for my first colonoscopy, and within a few hours I will be starting the prep work by consuming the first of two doses of what I have been told is truly vile liquid. After that I will become close personal friends with my toilet for a number of hours. Then I will have to get up in the morning and repeat the process. Once again… highly do not suggest this getting old thing. This is honestly what I am most terrified of, because I know they will be putting me under for it. In high school I had a sinus surgery and had some pretty negative effects of the anesthesia, so I guess I am sitting down to write this afternoon so that if something does happen you know what occurred. Since I keep my internet life and my real world life relatively separate, I have created some contacts for my folks to reach out to in the event of anything happening. They will I am sure get the broader word out.

I don’t mean to sound alarmist, but I also did not expect my spouse of thirty years to suddenly drop dead last year. That set me on this whole path of reconciling the sins of the past, and trying to take better care of myself. There is someone that I care about quite a bit, that is also part of the driving force of dealing with any lingering problems. I am hoping tomorrow goes quickly enough, and that nothing major is found. Given that my father has had a whole slew of digestive tract problems, I would not be shocked if I do as well. Hopefully they will all be things that can be mitigated, and nothing super serious. I am not the biggest fan of this whole aging thing, but I am trying to engage in better habits that will hopefully see me through for awhile. If I take after my Dad’s line, they seem to be pretty long lived… and with a bit of Bel Luck sprinkled in hopefully I will as well.

Basically I am writing today because I am not sure how much I will be able to write over the coming days. I have no clue how much of a toll this will take out of me. My dad was apparently loopy for over a day after getting out of his last colonoscopy. I know tomorrow morning I will be dealing with another round of prep, and then tomorrow night… I am probably going to be exhausted and hangry since I am on a liquid only diet currently. I sincerely doubt you will be hearing from me tomorrow, but I will attempt to make a post on social media when I am free and clear of it all. Thursday is a total crapshoot as of how I will be feeling. I am hoping I will bounce back quickly and will have things to talk about at that point. Regardless I feel the need to say that if anything happens to me, I have enjoyed our time together. It has been weird sharing my life with you all, at least in a limited fashion.

Hopefully I am remembered fondly, and hopefully all of this is viewed as being deeply dramatic. I would have rather said things and not needed to, than to have disappeared without a word. Yall have been a major part of my life for going on seventeen years at this point. Be kind to each other, because if nothing else I would like to be remembered as caring about so many of you.

Death Portal

by

Good Morning Folks! For those of you who are off for it or celebrate it, Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I’m choosing to celebrate it… by stacking up a bunch of appointments and then trying to speed run my way through them. So essentially I will be out and about this morning but I wanted to sit down and do my normal Monday morning summary blog post of the shenanigans that I got up to this weekend. It has become a bit of a tradition for myself, Ace, and Ammo to get together Sunday mornings and run whatever strongholds we have unlocked for the week in Destiny Rising. Sometimes if there is time we run whatever event happens to be going on. For example we knocked out a 5 key run of Morgran’s Hunt which is active currently. I enjoy these little group interludes greatly, and any time I can group with Ace and Ammo it is a joy.

In other Destiny Rising news, I have fully unlocked the Jade Rabbit exotic Scout Rifle on all three accounts. Since there are now several Scout Rifle specific characters in the game, this really goes a long way into making them feel more beneficial. Slapping this puppy on Umeko or Kabr 2.0 immediately makes them feel much more solid for group content. I do wish there was a way to change the element of these weapons, but alas that is not really a thing. Basically there is an event running currently that through doing daily content you can unlock this exotic and a skin for it, and if you have not played Destiny Rising in awhile you probably should pop in to get this while it is available. I am not sure if this is going to end up on the exotic shop or not, but at least on my free to play characters it is a massive pain in the ass to gain enough currency through the black market to buy any of these weapons.

I also spent quite a bit of time this weekend in Path of Exile 1. Essentially I am trying to grind out two more of the league challenges so that I can get the same 34 point totem pole that I have for the last several leagues. Essentially I set the focus on grinding out as many Originator influenced maps as I could because you need to run essentially 200 affixes worth of content divided up in as many different ways as possible. If I were doing this with maximum efficiency, I would have made sure I was running only eight mod maps… but I did not do this thing. So a lot of the maps I ran were somewhere in the five or six mod territory making it take significantly more maps in total to grind this out. Essentially I just put my head down and ground until I came out the other end. I did have to snap up some maps off the market and it seems like the going rate for originator influenced anything is around 5-10 chaos each.

Now that I have completed that difficult grind, I am back to just running maps as fast as I can and have chosen to do so on my Ice Trap of Hollowness Elementalist, The character is a heck of a lot of fun, and does a much better job at dealing with the Breach Fortress maps than Righteous Fire did, because I am blowing up most of the screen at all times and also freezing it. Essentially the grind I am working towards is Quality Quandry and I am sitting at 39886 or 50000. Basically going forward I need to run max quality on my maps, which then combines with 15% from the tree, and 20% from running four sacrifice fragments. Regardless…. it is going to just require grinding out a bunch of maps and is honestly the perfect idle activity while listening to an audiobook, podcast, or youtube video. There is the additional side benefit of throwing levels on my elementalist while doing it.

One of the things that I learned this weekend is that you can right click your world and edit it after having created it. This grants access to a few things, for example you can slow down or speed up the day/night cycle. More importantly you can completely disable falling damage and completely disable the death penalty that causes you to lose items on death. I absolutely did these things because I was dying an awful lot and it was annoying me to lose so much stuff in the process. There is one thing that is extremely overpowered in this game, and that is any kind of monster that can poison you. Your health just plummets almost instantly from the damage over time effect. So I figured by disabling the item penalties I am way more free to roam around and run amok. I don’t play games for the challenge of them, I play games for the fun… and not losing shit on death makes things more enjoyable to me personally.

I’ve started on some semblance of a permanent base. There is a floating rock not too far from my original spawn point and I built a staircase up the side of it and then began flattening the top so that I could build a platform. This is essentially going to be my resource sink for awhile as I keep dragging rock of various sorts up here to start building away at a final creation. Probably the most important aspect is creating an optimized crafting area so that I have a bunch of storage chests that are all accessible by each of the machines. I wish the game had some sort of automated filtering system when it comes to chests, or at least some way of labeling each chest for a specific purpose. There might be mods that do this thing, as there are a staggering number of mods already available. For example I installed one that gives you the name of any item your cursor is pointed at, and another one that creates lucky mining streaks for ore so that it will produce additional ore nodes near the one you are mining when it procs.

Not having to worry about losing everything on death, has made the entire process of exploring the world so much more enjoyable. Firstly I want to now hop down every hole that I see because I can’t take falling damage, and the worst thing that can happen to me is that I get ported back to my spawn point. Secondly the entire process of pushing myself deeper under the earth in search of resources is just a way more fun way to play the game than trying to be careful all the time. Combat is always a bit of a battle of attrition and in spite of using your abilities to the fullest, you are always going to take some damage which compounds the longer you are exploring. I think for me this is the ideal way to play, but your mileage may vary if you care about challenge. I also really like the fact that I can just kill myself anytime I get bored of exploring an area and go back to base… rather than having to painstakingly make my way back to the surface.

I hope you had a most excellent weekend. What did you get it up? Have you been playing Hytale as well? Drop me a line below.

AggroChat #553 – A Brief Intermission

by
Featuring: Ace, AmmosArt, Ashgar, Belghast, Kodra, and Tamrielo

Good Morning Folks! We are running things a bit differently this year. Due to unforeseen reasons, Thalen could not join us this week. As such, we paused our games of the year show to record a brief intermission show.  This week, we talked about Star Citizen, Pokémon Legends Z-A, Hytale, OrcaCon, Starfinder, Void Miner, the Amazing World of Retro Handhelds, and Kodra finally enjoying Path of Exile II.  We ran a bit longer than normal and, as such, cut the show a bit more abruptly than usual.  Pretty packed show for being something we pulled together on the spur of the moment, and also bumped a bunch of topics for our show after we wrap the games of the year.

Topics Discussed:

  • Star Citizen Engineering
  • Pokemon Legends Z-A
  • Hytale
  • OrcaCon
    • Starfinder Thoughts
  • Void Miner
  • Retro Handhelds
  • Path of Exile II and Kodra

Podcast: Play in new window | Download